Introduction

Bartholomew Biggs was born on April 5, 1971, and grew up all across Canada, although he technically does not have a hometown because he is 300 feet tall and constantly stepping in and out of town borders by accident. He is the largest person to ever exist, towering over buildings, mountains, and everyone else on Earth. Famous simply for being bigger than everyone, Bartholomew Biggs is easy to spot—mainly because you can see him from several miles away.

Early Life

As a toddler, Bartholomew Biggs’s parents noticed something unusual: he kept growing and growing and never slowed down. Doctors believe the cause was a strange accident involving his growth hormones and milk that was always warmed in the microwave, sometimes twice, sometimes forgotten, and sometimes still bubbling. Whatever happened, it worked a little too well. By the time Bartholomew was a kid, he was already 200 feet tall. Other kids tried to bully him for being tall, which was not a smart choice since Bartholomew was about 40 times bigger than all of them combined. Most bullying ended quickly once he leaned down to say hello.

Later Years

In his later years, Bartholomew Biggs officially earned the World Record for Tallest Person Ever Recorded, standing at an unbelievable 300 feet tall. Measuring him took several days, multiple drones, and one extremely long tape measure. Officials repeatedly asked him to stand still, which proved difficult since a single step covered several city blocks. When the record was finally confirmed, Bartholomew calmly said he “kind of suspected that.”

Contributions

Bartholomew Biggs has made many helpful contributions without really trying. Today, Bartholomew lives a simple life despite his enormous size. He spends his time walking, eating, and helping people reach tall things. He regularly saves swimmers from drowning by simply walking far out into the ocean and picking them up. He also changes the lightbulbs on the Empire State Building, adjusts radio towers, straightens crooked skyscrapers, helps planes park by pointing them in the right direction, and helps construction workers by holding entire buildings steady. He has also helped scientists study clouds, birds, and why people look so small when you wave at them from 300 feet up. Despite all this, he insists he is “just a regular guy helping out.”

Fun Facts

He has been growing since he was a baby—just like everyone else, except he never stopped.
He once donated an old sock to the homeless, and it now serves as a warm wool sleeping bag for 36 people, all of whom are no longer homeless.
He once sat down and accidentally created a new hill.
He cannot use doors and prefers to step over buildings instead.
People all over Canada donate old broken cars for him to use as rollerskates.

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