Early Life

Michael was born on March 24, 1987, in a quiet town rumored to be entirely constructed out of LEGO bricks, though this has never been confirmed. Michael showed early signs of brilliance and chaos, a combination that baffled teachers and impressed school janitors. His curious mind and mischievous nature collided in ways that were both inspiring and mildly concerning.

As a child, he brought in a “science experiment” that was just a jar of pickles wearing googly eyes, and once invented a game called "Tattle Tag" where whoever is “it” must follow people around and tattle fake things about them (For example: “He blinked too confidently!”) Michael developed a love for storytelling after he successfully convinced a substitute teacher he was the “acting principal” and assigned himself recess duty.

Later Years

Today, Michael teaches second graders how to read, write, and not lick glue sticks. Late at night, when the world sleeps but his brain absolutely does not, Michael enjoys sipping suspiciously strong coffee, crafting delightfully bizarre biographies for Wikifibs, and brainstorming inventions like "The Infinite Coffee Mug" which refills itself every time you blink. Scientists are still unsure how it could possibly work. Michael refuses to explain.

He also runs a secret club called “The Shakespeare Showdown” where the rest of the club tries not to laugh while one member reads dramatic lines from cereal boxes in an over-the-top Shakespeare voice. The club may or may not include a sock puppet vice-president.

Contributions

Michael founded Wikifibs as a tribute to nonsense, creativity, and the undeniable fact that everything is funnier when slightly (or ridiculously) untrue. His work has inspired fake historians, imaginary zoologists, and kids who just want to make up a president named “President Burritohead.” His classroom has also become a training ground for future storytellers and expert negotiators, always ready to talk their way out of homework, and into a free snack.

Fun Facts

• He once taught an entire lesson in pirate voice because a student dared him to.

• Believes all teachers should be issued a laser pointer, and at least 3 fake identities.

• Michael once replaced the classroom pointer stick with a pool noodle, wore a crown, and insisted on being called “Sir Pointsalot.”

• He has been seen wearing a green cape after 8 p.m., claiming it “improves brainstorm aerodynamics.”

• His favorite hobby is creating “secret doors” in plain sight, like taping a tiny handle to the wall and pretending it’s an escape route.

• He claimed to have once figured out the meaning of life, but forgot to write it down.

• Some believe Michael Green may be the real identity of The Green-Caped Guardian but he has publicly denied the rumor.