What Is It?

The Snitchin’ Suitcase™ is the world’s first smart luggage designed specifically to betray you. Equipped with overstuff sensors and an advanced sarcasm processor, it begins screaming if you try to zip it shut with more than it can handle.. usually around three pairs of jeans and a heavy hoodie you borrow but never returned.

But it doesn’t stop there..

Once zipped, the Snitchin’ Suitcase makes itself loudly known in airport terminals, muttering things like:

“She packed 17 outfits for a 3-day trip again.”
“Oh look, another TSA search incoming… I’m just saying.”
“No, you do NOT need that third pair of boots. Sit down.”

It also occasionally sighs, groans, and coughs when rolled too fast, just to keep the drama high.

History

The Snitchin’ Suitcase was originally developed in 2021 by Fidgetronix Labs, a company best known for making appliances that overreact. The suitcase was meant to gently alert travelers when they’d exceeded the recommended weight limit by playing a calming ding. But after an accidental software update, the prototype began insulting users in passive-aggressive British accents.

Instead of fixing the bug, the team leaned into it. Focus groups hated it. So, of course, it was released immediately.

Marketing pivoted to calling the suitcase a “travel companion who tells it like it is.” Sales tripled overnight, mostly purchased as gifts by spiteful siblings and sarcastic coworkers.

Today, the Snitchin’ Suitcase is banned from 14 airports, has its own Instagram account, and was recently featured on an episode of “Products Nobody Asked For But Kinda Love” on NBC.

Reviews

★★★★★

Taylor Swift – I knew it was trouble when it rolled in

⭐️⭐️⭐️

“I was heading to Paris and packed five cardigans, a vintage camera, and a cowgirl hat. The suitcase screamed, ‘You don’t need more red lipstick, Taylor!’ Then it muttered, ‘She’s gonna write a song about this.’

Spoiler: I did. It’s called Luggage with Trust Issues. Drops next fall.”

Brenda M. - Luggage with a LOUD opinion

⭐️⭐️

“I tried to sit on the suitcase to zip it shut and it screamed, ‘MA’AM THIS IS A CRIME.’ TSA applauded. I did not.”

Tyler S. – Feels like traveling with my mother-in-law

⭐️⭐️⭐️

“The suitcase muttered, ‘You’re really wearing that to the airport?’ while I was putting on my Crocs. I wasn’t emotionally prepared. But solidly built suitcase.”

Karen A. – Bought it as a joke, it's not joking

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

“Thought it’d be funny. Now my suitcase roasts me in public. Last week it shouted, ‘This isn’t a runway, Karen. Walk faster.’ Who told it my name???”

Marcus V. – Thought it was broken. It was just petty.

⭐️⭐️⭐️

“I thought something was wrong with the suitcase because it sighed every time I walked by. Turns out it just disapproves of my cargo shorts.”

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